Joy

I just talked with Papa. I can't express in words how happy I am. I just want to give mom a big hug.

On the other hand, I can tell you how I felt the other day after hearing where mom's CA-125 markers were. Let me start by saying that soliciting people for donations goes against every fiber of my being. I was not born to fund-raise or sell. And I hate -- maybe hate is a strong word -- people who ask me for money. It seems like someone with some cause is holding their hand out every single day at work. I'm bombarded. I also hate the pompous asses who act as though they are soliciting money for the public good when what they're really doing is trying to improve or maintain their social standing, or get a leg up on their competition at work. Uggh. These feelings have not changed.

So why have I decided to raise money for Families R.O.C. then? Because late Tuesday night, I found out from Papa that Nana may have to either endure another round of chemotherapy or undergo yet another surgery. After I hung up the phone with Papa, I was buried in some insipid brief at the office. I powered through it and got home exhausted in the wee hours. After getting the brief filed yesterday, I had some down time. I got to thinking, and the more I thought, the more helpless I felt. I was faced with the realization that there was absolutely nothing that I could do. I then became incredibly angry. Just pissed off, and I essentially decided that I'm going to fight. I'm going take up arms to fuck$%g kill this fuck$%ng diesease. I'm just not the kind of person who can simply just . . . give up. You know, throw my hands up and say, "Oh well." I'm fully committed to getting this project up and running.

I love you guys.